I was painting a picture [closed]

[alwaysme]

Who: Vi, Jack Kline, Jonathan Strange
Where: various
When: Throughout the month
What: TDM threads continued

Warnings: suicidal ideation, self-worth, and possible mental instability, marked on thread



And for a moment I thought you were here
But then again, it wasn't true, down
And all this time I have been lying
Oh, lying in secret to myself
I've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf
And I was running far away
Would I run off the world someday? ♫

Comments

[alwaysme]

What are you--you don't-- [It's too recent since she's seen Vi's bone-weary sob over what had once been Vander. Barely a few weeks.

She's trying not to let the tears affect her.] You don't have anything to be sorry about-- [She doesn't know what Vi could be apologizing for. What happened now, what happened before, everything, nothing.

She lays both her hands over each of Vi's arms, just a reassuring touch of I'm here, I'm real.] Vi, I'm fine. You're fine. [That last part sounds very uncertain.

Right? Please? Please tell her you're fine?]

[viceps]

[ Everything. Losing her sister, letting go (even though it wasn't her choice, Vi wondered every day what she could have done differently). And before that, all the times she hadn't listened, all those days spent apart. The night everything went wrong and she said those words she's regretted ever since.

She'd thought she'd lost her sister for good this time. She'd grieved. And at the same time, some small, awful part of her had been--

No, not relieved. But perhaps ready to face a new life. Ready to entertain the idea of moving on. At least, wanting to be ready to do that. She'd greeted those new days slowly, with a growing, tentative hope and with Caitlyn by her side. The thought of rebuilding.

And now, instead, they're here. What else is Vi supposed to say? What can she possibly do?

When she'd woken up here, Vi realized she had truly, finally lost everything.

That isn't the case anymore. ]

Y-yeah. I'm okay, Powder. We're both going to be okay.

[ Even if she still slips up sometimes. ]

[alwaysme]

[Her fingers twitch and curl against where they're pressed against Vi's arms at the name Powder. Just a fraction of involuntary movement.

She doesn't move away despite the temptation to put physical distance between herself and Emotion. Buries it down despite wondering if the Jinx on Vi's lips while she was trapped in that room was just a trick of her mind. What she wanted to hear.

It's-- Fine.

It doesn't matter.] We shouldn't stay here--it's better to get back to Panorama. These places are supposed to be unstable. [Then again she can distance herself with words just as easily.]

[viceps]

[ She moves her arm just enough to quickly wipe the heel of her palm across her face while Jinx still can't quite see it. Then, finally, Vi pulls back enough to look at her. ]

H-how... how long have you been here?

[ Jinx is right, of course. Vi forces herself to remember where they actually are. The building had been unstable enough on its own, and it's true the danger might not be over. She glances around, clocks the other vehicle. It doesn't suit her sister at all, but there's nothing else around. ]

After you fell--

What happened?

[alwaysme]

A few weeks, I think. [She kinda holed herself up for a bit there and lost track of some time. This was her first venture out of Panorama itself, and boy was it an Experience.

But then she found Vi--or rather Vi found her--so it can't all be a loss. And later when she's going through her stuff she'll find a bottle of antibiotics that she was there for that she didn't remember grabbing.

She makes a face at her station wagon. Yeah. It's not stellar. But she'll get it painted eventually when she has the materials and then she'll be in business.] After I fell I woke up in the medical tent at the Scrapyard. [She woke up screaming and thrashing, but Vi doesn't need to know that part.]

[viceps]

[ Weeks. By Vi's estimation, she's only been here a little over a week herself, but based on how much time passed back home too... it does make sense.

There's something else. In her heart, Vi knows the answer, but she has to ask. ]

And... Vander?

[alwaysme]

[She drops her gaze.

That wasn't Vander she doesn't say, though it's on the tip of her tongue.

No, they lost Vander in the commune. She has to believe that was true.] He wasn't with me. That doesn't mean he didn't come through. [If he did, maybe Viktor could put the mind he took back. Which would mean having to talk to the tin can. No thanks. But she would, for Vander.] He could turn up. [Jinx is not an optimist, but she'll give Vi this.]

[viceps]

[ Vi looks down too.

No, she doesn't believe her. She wishes she did, but she doesn't.

Vi closes her eyes for just a moment, takes a deep breath. ]

...yeah. Maybe. [ She looks back up, and tries to smile. It comes up thin and wavering, her face all smudged with tears and dried blood. ]

In the meantime, at least we're together, right?

[alwaysme]

I told you, remember? [Her smile is more convincing than her sister's.] I'm always with you. [Even when they're worlds apart.

Even when Jinx had intended to leave her sister to think she was dead and move on for both their sake's.

She lightly punches Vi's side.] Rent's shit, y'know? It'd be easier between the two of us. [Which is the worst way to float the idea that they should live together, but there's a part of Jinx that is completely terrified Vi will reject the idea.

(Jinx'll eventually get jittery about sharing the space, but she'll figure a solution for that out when the time comes.) Right now she just needs to not leave Vi again. Needs to know Vi's safe in an Unknown that neither of them have a foothold in yet.

She can fix it this time, can't she?]

[viceps]

[ For the first time since she arrived in this forsaken place, alone and scared and angry, something finally feels... good. Like it really might be okay, after all.

Something in the pit of her stomach loosens up. The tension in her shoulders eases, just a little.

Vi laughs. It's soft and breathy, but it's there, and it's real, and the look that crosses her eyes is equal parts relief and surprise.

She can't believe Jinx is actually asking her this. Vi won't waste this chance. ]

Absolutely. To be honest, I haven't really found a place... just been staying in a literal hole that's got a mattress shoved inside. Worst hotel I've ever seen.

We'll find somewhere a little bigger.

[ Are they really going to be... together? ]

[alwaysme]

[Relief.

They're not home. There's no Vander, no Silco, no Caitlyn. No Undercity, no Piltover.

There's a weird lanky cosmic horror and his human soft-spot but she's not going to talk about them. Besides, they're supposed to be leaving each other alone. 'Second chances' that they don't deserve or whatever.

This might just be their best chance yet to be together.

For once.] I hear that. The motel I've been in wasn't bad, I guess. I think they have some bigger spaces than what I had. Sure, the power does go out all the time. [And then there's the weird knocking when no one's at the door. And the occasional break-in.

But! Really! What place around here doesn't have that!] But I hear some of the units have a coffee maker. [Or. You know. A mini kitchenette. (She'd prefer the coffee maker.)

Her gaze drifts back towards the building they fled from, like it's trying to grab her attention.]

[viceps]

That sounds nice. We can look for something when we get back to the city.

[ Together.

Her heart is still pounding. She's scared to look away from Jinx for too long, just in case she disappears and it was all a dream.

When Jinx looks away from her, Vi reaches out -- gently, this time -- to take her hand again. ]

Hey. Let's get out of here. I don't like this place.

[ Though she doesn't ask again, Vi is carefully looking her over to make sure there are no injuries, that she really is okay besides being a bit soggy. ]

My bike's around the other side. We'll drive back together.