[ karen doesn't realize how much this is about trust. she's not really thinking all that much about it. these last few weeks have left her in a state of near-constant worry, with spikes of panic, an ongoing weight and sense of guilt.
she hasn't stopped moving because she couldn't. not when each time she turned her back for too long, something happened. her work shifts became elongated hours of trying to work and put up a front, and anxiously wondering if the mannequin would get out again. then, when she wasn't working, she was either trying to find ways to handle the mannequin or - more often than not - searching around the city for the traces of destruction it left behind.
with the mannequin now gone, for good, she feels a bit freer. feels like she can finally relax. but even with that unclenching of tension comes the release of everything she's been holding back. the flood of how much it hurt, and now that she doesn't need to keep it together for the sake of something more important, she just feels tired. just doesn't want to have to keep holding it together.
she's had breakdowns like this before, so it's not entirely a surprise, but generally these have been herself, in her apartment, or in her car, or somewhere where no one else can see her. the fact logan's walked in and it all bursts out says something - maybe about how much she doesn't want to go through this alone, maybe about how from the first day he's been nothing but support, nothing but help. maybe karen shouldn't be so quick to rely on someone she's just met a couple of months earlier, someone who so obviously has his own priorities, his own people. but-
it's not like this is the first time she's fallen apart in front of someone she's just met. and honestly, a couple of months in is a bit better than sleeping in matt's apartment days after meeting him.
and right now - logan's arms wrap around her, and his voice is soothing, comforting in a way she has been needing, in a way she wasn't even aware of how much she needed. she all but collapses into him, actually just feels all of it, and releases all of it.
its a few moments (minutes?) later that it settles, that she settles, and the thought that logan didn't ask for any of this really settles on her. she takes a breath, feeling more centered though her head is pounding and her face feels hot, and pulls away (even though she doesn't really want to. even though a part of her wants to stay right there for just a few moments longer, but she knows she shouldn't. can't). she wipes at her eyes with the backs of her hands, putting effort into calming her breaths. ]
Sorry- [ she starts, and then laughs - though it's a little wet, a little strung out. when she looks back up at him, her smile is shaky, but it is there. ] I'm glad you came by. I, uh- [ another breath, and then she looks down at her hands, at how close they are, at what may or may not be a wet stain on his shirt, and she feels a little embarrassed. especially when she doesn't really know what to say, after all of that. ]
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she hasn't stopped moving because she couldn't. not when each time she turned her back for too long, something happened. her work shifts became elongated hours of trying to work and put up a front, and anxiously wondering if the mannequin would get out again. then, when she wasn't working, she was either trying to find ways to handle the mannequin or - more often than not - searching around the city for the traces of destruction it left behind.
with the mannequin now gone, for good, she feels a bit freer. feels like she can finally relax. but even with that unclenching of tension comes the release of everything she's been holding back. the flood of how much it hurt, and now that she doesn't need to keep it together for the sake of something more important, she just feels tired. just doesn't want to have to keep holding it together.
she's had breakdowns like this before, so it's not entirely a surprise, but generally these have been herself, in her apartment, or in her car, or somewhere where no one else can see her. the fact logan's walked in and it all bursts out says something - maybe about how much she doesn't want to go through this alone, maybe about how from the first day he's been nothing but support, nothing but help. maybe karen shouldn't be so quick to rely on someone she's just met a couple of months earlier, someone who so obviously has his own priorities, his own people. but-
it's not like this is the first time she's fallen apart in front of someone she's just met. and honestly, a couple of months in is a bit better than sleeping in matt's apartment days after meeting him.
and right now - logan's arms wrap around her, and his voice is soothing, comforting in a way she has been needing, in a way she wasn't even aware of how much she needed. she all but collapses into him, actually just feels all of it, and releases all of it.
its a few moments (minutes?) later that it settles, that she settles, and the thought that logan didn't ask for any of this really settles on her. she takes a breath, feeling more centered though her head is pounding and her face feels hot, and pulls away (even though she doesn't really want to. even though a part of her wants to stay right there for just a few moments longer, but she knows she shouldn't. can't). she wipes at her eyes with the backs of her hands, putting effort into calming her breaths. ]
Sorry- [ she starts, and then laughs - though it's a little wet, a little strung out. when she looks back up at him, her smile is shaky, but it is there. ] I'm glad you came by. I, uh- [ another breath, and then she looks down at her hands, at how close they are, at what may or may not be a wet stain on his shirt, and she feels a little embarrassed. especially when she doesn't really know what to say, after all of that. ]