Jack knows intellectually that it's all basically wrong and unfair, and that it must seem that way to people on the outside, but it doesn't change what it is. Him wishing that he could have been a normal human with a human life, him dreaming of a situation where he could survive and go on the ocean and see a dolphin, something simple and nice, it's all a fantasy. That's not a life that he can ask for himself. Dean has told him to man up and get over it enough times that it sinks in. This is how it is.
"Not all of them. Castiel and Sam were very against it. They were upset about it and tried to research everything they could to find another solution. They refused to help me finish my mission. I understand, they love me." It's a beautiful thing to be loved and Jack does feel like he is by them. He accepted they wouldn't go with him to meet Adam and get the final piece of the God bomb that he was making. They stayed home and researched helplessly, knowing it was pointless, but they couldn't support him either.
"Dean felt differently. He was grateful I was willing to do whatever it took to save everyone. I know that he would have done the same." He turns the tray in his hand. "Sam and Castiel would if it was their own lives, but not me." And that makes them good parents, he thinks. They would give up their own but the idea of their son dying was too much for them. Jack likes that they tried.
"Dean and I haven't been getting along for a long time. I did something unforgivable, but ... I think I can finally solve it." Jack looks hopeful at that. He is desperate for Dean's approval, that's always been true. It used to break his heart that Dean believed he was evil and dangerous for so long. He came around on him eventually, and Jack was so grateful, but he lost that love. "Dean doesn't love me the way the others do, he said I'm not his family, but maybe he will after this."
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"Not all of them. Castiel and Sam were very against it. They were upset about it and tried to research everything they could to find another solution. They refused to help me finish my mission. I understand, they love me." It's a beautiful thing to be loved and Jack does feel like he is by them. He accepted they wouldn't go with him to meet Adam and get the final piece of the God bomb that he was making. They stayed home and researched helplessly, knowing it was pointless, but they couldn't support him either.
"Dean felt differently. He was grateful I was willing to do whatever it took to save everyone. I know that he would have done the same." He turns the tray in his hand. "Sam and Castiel would if it was their own lives, but not me." And that makes them good parents, he thinks. They would give up their own but the idea of their son dying was too much for them. Jack likes that they tried.
"Dean and I haven't been getting along for a long time. I did something unforgivable, but ... I think I can finally solve it." Jack looks hopeful at that. He is desperate for Dean's approval, that's always been true. It used to break his heart that Dean believed he was evil and dangerous for so long. He came around on him eventually, and Jack was so grateful, but he lost that love. "Dean doesn't love me the way the others do, he said I'm not his family, but maybe he will after this."