[ castiel knows, perhaps better than anyone, how it would weigh on dean to realize that their free will had only been a fantasy. perhaps even better than sam, who knows dean best— castiel was there after the end of everything, when it was all supposed to have been over. he wonders if that's why it didn't end. chuck's influence. pulling the narrative back into the shape of a story to tell.
something in castiel's face crumples then, stricken with grief. ]
Oh, Dean.
[ he wishes that he could be there for him now, even though it's a ridiculous notion to entertain. of course he doesn't know what the shape of their relationship will be in the future, or why he'll never be able to offer dean that comfort, but he can imagine his own uselessness. castiel considers that maybe dying for dean was the only way he could offer anything at all.
he rubs a hand over his face, digging his fingers into his eyes, suddenly prickling and hot. they gave up everything for that freedom. if it meant nothing, what then? was it all a lie? he tried to teach the angels better— was he always doomed to fail? and everything else— the future castiel might have been prepared for this. but the current castiel is winded with the knowledge.
several minutes pass before he speaks again: it's something he feels he has to explain, because of how little jack seems to know. isn't it important? he doesn't understand why they— why he— never told him. ]
You know that we stopped the apocalypse together the first time, don't you? Dean was... He was willing to give up his brother for that freedom. For himself. For all of us. He let Sam cast himself into the Pit.
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something in castiel's face crumples then, stricken with grief. ]
Oh, Dean.
[ he wishes that he could be there for him now, even though it's a ridiculous notion to entertain. of course he doesn't know what the shape of their relationship will be in the future, or why he'll never be able to offer dean that comfort, but he can imagine his own uselessness. castiel considers that maybe dying for dean was the only way he could offer anything at all.
he rubs a hand over his face, digging his fingers into his eyes, suddenly prickling and hot. they gave up everything for that freedom. if it meant nothing, what then? was it all a lie? he tried to teach the angels better— was he always doomed to fail? and everything else— the future castiel might have been prepared for this. but the current castiel is winded with the knowledge.
several minutes pass before he speaks again: it's something he feels he has to explain, because of how little jack seems to know. isn't it important? he doesn't understand why they— why he— never told him. ]
You know that we stopped the apocalypse together the first time, don't you? Dean was... He was willing to give up his brother for that freedom. For himself. For all of us. He let Sam cast himself into the Pit.