[ castiel nods like he understands all of this. a part of him still believes it isn't, and won't ever be, relevant to his life. despite this, he's human enough he can't help but be affected by the idea of his own death. considering the circumstances, there seems to be a very good chance he won't be making another jailbreak— and his father obviously won't be resurrecting him again.
he picks his head up from staring down into his drink and nods as though to confirm to jack that his explanation has landed, before he turns back to the bar to pour himself another few fingers. if the empty is where angels go where they die, then the being presiding over it should be strong enough to swallow up an angel and a reaper. and if he called it on purpose... ]
If I'm gonna die, it'd be good if it were for Dean, right? Maybe I was happy.
[ not likely an admission he'd make sober. he turns halfway with the tumbler raised to his lips, eyes lidded and a little glassy. he's always wanted his death to mean something. it's why chuck bringing him back again and again was so galling, like a record skipping, ruining the rhythm and the melody. he thinks he's probably more useful dead than he is alive. ]
cn: suicidal thoughts
he picks his head up from staring down into his drink and nods as though to confirm to jack that his explanation has landed, before he turns back to the bar to pour himself another few fingers. if the empty is where angels go where they die, then the being presiding over it should be strong enough to swallow up an angel and a reaper. and if he called it on purpose... ]
If I'm gonna die, it'd be good if it were for Dean, right? Maybe I was happy.
[ not likely an admission he'd make sober. he turns halfway with the tumbler raised to his lips, eyes lidded and a little glassy. he's always wanted his death to mean something. it's why chuck bringing him back again and again was so galling, like a record skipping, ruining the rhythm and the melody. he thinks he's probably more useful dead than he is alive. ]