[ killing on a grand scale, you say? if castiel could read jack's mind, he would laugh again, but of course he can't. even if he was operating at full power, jack is far above him in that regard. ]
Sometimes it just... doesn't.
[ go both ways, he means. case in point: dean. now, that's one that stings to think about, and it always will.
he's wanted god to love him for for so long he's forgotten what it feels like to feel any other way, but he knows he's not worthy. the one time He ever asked anything of him, he failed Him. and try as he might, he can't undo it. he can't go back. just the same, he doesn't want to become whatever he is to jack in the future. he doesn't love him, and he knows he's better off without his love. he doesn't want— this. billie. the angels. god's stories. any of this.
castiel starts to stand up, sagged over the bar with one hand braced on the flat surface. ]
no subject
Sometimes it just... doesn't.
[ go both ways, he means. case in point: dean. now, that's one that stings to think about, and it always will.
he's wanted god to love him for for so long he's forgotten what it feels like to feel any other way, but he knows he's not worthy. the one time He ever asked anything of him, he failed Him. and try as he might, he can't undo it. he can't go back. just the same, he doesn't want to become whatever he is to jack in the future. he doesn't love him, and he knows he's better off without his love. he doesn't want— this. billie. the angels. god's stories. any of this.
castiel starts to stand up, sagged over the bar with one hand braced on the flat surface. ]
I have— I have to go.