[ it makes him feel odd, knowing jack is looking for things to tie them together. he isn't wrong in the conclusions he draws, but castiel can't help but want to reject it. he doesn't want a child. he doesn't want the responsibility. he doesn't want something else to fail— especially knowing that he has, unequivocally, failed him, whatever he might say to absolve his actions. there's no forgiving the mistakes he's made.

maybe that's why he goes on to elaborate, rather than moving the conversation along or ending it altogether. ]

I spoke to Amara before I said yes to Lucifer.

She told me I wasn't even worth killing. That was was weak, expendable, afraid to die— And she was right about all of it.